It's Friday everyone! Time to put on your party socks!

If you don't know what party socks are, you obviously haven't checked out Urban Dictionary, a phenomenal resource for the ignorant, the bored, and the pop culturally challenged. Some of Smug's other favorites include:

saddam's toothless smile
no boutros
entremaneur
and of course . . . nugget

Aric McKeown must be a glutton for punishment. For the past few weeks, the New Hope, Minnesota man has allowed people to vote on his Web site to determine which TV programs he'll watch Monday through Friday from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.

McKeown has received about 100 votes per time slot on his Web site - http://www.makemewatchtv.com - resulting in his viewing of "Gilmore Girls," "House," "Veronica Mars," "Supernanny," "America's Funniest Home Videos" and "MASH."

McKeown, 26, said he finds "Gilmore Girls," "Prison Break" and "7th Heaven" to be the most difficult to watch.

"My brain cells were fighting back when I was watching '7th Heaven,'" he said about the WB's family friendly show. "They were screaming at me to stop it now. At least it's clear they're still functioning."

He does admit to being pleasantly surprised by some shows that have won the vote. He became a "24" fan, for instance, after seeing his first episode. Before McKeown began the Web site, he and his wife, Maija, regularly tuned into "Lost," "American Idol" and "Survivor."

So why suffer through a bunch of shows you don't particularly like?

"I'm hoping to see a little part of society," he said. "Do we really enjoy these shows? Are we just watching them because they're the only things on? Why do some shows succeed and others fail? By being forced to watch these shows, you are able to form a better opinion because you have both sides of the story." (via The Associated Press)

I TOTALLY voted for gay porn. No joke. It's on his list.

Reuters is reporting today that a former top White House aide testified that President George W. Bush authorized leaking classified intelligence in 2003 in the face of criticism of his Iraq policy from a former ambassador, according to court papers made public on Thursday.

Democrats seized on the news, accusing Bush of hypocrisy. The president has often denounced leaks from his administration and vowed to punish the leakers. This was the first time Bush was directly linked to this incident.

"If the disclosure is true, it's breathtaking. The president is revealed as the leaker-in-chief," said Rep. Jane Harman of California, the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee.

Ha! Leaker-in-chief. That's funny. It's even funnier coming from a politician, since it's about as witty as a first-grade potty joke.

Not like my headline and accompanying picture, which are totally sophisticated.

Contrary to all expectations, traffic is running smooth as a prom queen's thighs in Chi-Town this week despite the April 1 launch of the Dan Ryan Expressway Reconstruction Project. Assuming officials haven't staged an elaborate April Fools Day hoax, predictions about the highly anticipated highway reconstruction may turn out to be the most embarrassingly overblown since Y2K went blip at the turn of the millenium.

Just one week ago, Chicagoans were being barraged with hyperbole -- expect massive delays; the year's worst traffic nightmare; highway headaches ahead; even a website called Avoid the Ryan, complete with clever catchphrase: There is a way out. Reroute!

Smug likes to rhyme, too: There once was a paranoid city/ with traffic that just wasn't pretty./ They shut Ryan down / and detoured around/ but their plan was, predictably, shitty.

I know this happened a few days ago, which in blog time might as well have been last year, but I spent too much time photoshopping Tom DeLay's head in the toilet to stay mum on the subject of his recent resignation from Congress.

If you have a problem with my tardiness, take it up with the standing lay, who has been monopolizing the computer all week long. For work of all things.

Anyway a big "Bye, bye and smell ya later" to DeLay for quitting a re-election race he couldn't win, even if Terry Schiavo came back from the dead to exonerate him.

One smug flush, and we all move on.

A guy walks into a supermarket and buys one toothbrush, one tube of toothpaste, one roll of toiletpaper, one frozen dinner, one can of soda, and one box of cereal.

The woman behind the counter says, "So, you're single, huh?"

The man replies very sarcastically, "Why would you guess that? Because I'm buying one of everything?"

"No," the woman replies. "Because you're ugly."

Smug's (belated) nugget of the week for the first blush of April is none other than her favorite man with a microphone: Mr. Howard Stern. Howard's on-air ejaculations (i.e his emotional outbursts, dirty birdy) have been making me purr since I was a wee lass, and though he is no stranger to headlines, this month has been particularly sensational for the Siriusly controversial talk radio host.

There is, of course, the lawsuit, on which I will not waste another word. Next came the news that Sirius has more than four million subscribers, at least one million of which are attributable to the man himself (including one Smug subscriber, who is beyond thrilled with her purchase).

But what really turned Smug's nuggets was today's story in the New York Daily News--more evidence that Howard is a true gent, in spite of what many would have you believe.

The story unfolded shortly after 8 p.m. Saturday as Stern and leggy girlfriend Beth Ostrosky were walking on Columbus Ave. at W. 62nd St. after dinner.

[The fan] recognized Stern and . . . allegedly screamed and waved his arms, threatening Stern and Ostrosky--getting right in their faces and making them fear for their lives, the sources said.

When the couple walked away and jumped into a cab, [he] chased after them with his fists raised and spit through the taxi's open window into Ostrosky's face, a court complaint charges.

Stern managed to call cops - but by the time they arrived, [the man] was gone, the sources said.

Undaunted, Stern hopped into an unmarked police car with anti-crime cops and helped them scour the area for the weirdo, sources said.

Blocks away, two detectives spotted a man fitting Forbes' description about 8:50 p.m. Stern, from the safety of the unmarked police car, identified . . . the suspect, sources said.

I am not that old, but I can clearly remember the days when air travel was something of a luxury. Forget the jeans and ratty old sweatshirts; passengers wore their Sunday best and nothing less. Flight attendants were still called stewards and stewardesses, and they offered you chicken a la king, and flank steak with mashed potatoes and a side of vegetables. Whatever you get now, you pay for, and most of the time, it isn't worth the three bucks.

That's why the following story comes as no surprise to this frequent flier.

MSNBC is reporting that travelers increasingly are unhappy with airlines ranking lost luggage among their biggest complaints, according to an annual survey by university researchers that rates carriers' quality.

"They're less on time, they're losing bags at a rate they've never done before and people are complaining again," said Dean Hedley, co-author of the study being released Monday.

Intense competition from low-fare airlines and high fuel prices have forced many traditional airlines to cut back or charge passengers for amenities.

Many airlines no longer serve meals on flights. Some charge for pillows. And there's a price now for overweight or extra bags.

"Airlines know their consumers," Hedley said. "I'm not sure they know how far they can push them."

At this point, one could argue that we've been pushed pushed pretty far -- say, between a rock and a hard place? Then again, there's always the bus.

Sorry about the recent shortage of new posts, but I've been in the trenches for three long, LONG days.

Let's just say, it got a little Jerry Springer up in Smug's plizzace this weekend, thanks to a few very tiresome out-of-town guests. The kind that I'm related to, and not by blood. Kapeesh?

I will say no more, lest the blog comes back to haunt me in later life. That is, if I survive that long; and based on the events of this past weekend, that is not a foregone conclusion.

Free at last, free at last. And glad to be back.