Sorry for the shortage of posts, but Smug's been on holiday in New York for the past five days, sans computer. On the upside, I've got a lot to talk about, including a reader run-in and a near-perfect pastrami sandwich. But first things first.

A summary of the trip:

1. Check-in. Not at a hotel, as one would imagine, but at an apartment, rented via craigslist through an anonymous apartment owner in the fabulous West Village. Readers be advised: A craigslist search yields cheap and viable alternatives to $300-a-night hotels and allows you to pick and choose your location. This was news to me. A friend and former New Yorker turned me on to the concept, and it was definitely worth the effort.

2. Katz's Deli. My first visit, and considering it's a tourist hot-spot (a result of Meg Ryan's infamous faux-orgasm in When Harry Met Sally), I was more than pleasantly surprised. Nothing beats a hand-carved pound of lean and salty beef.

3. L'il Frankie's. 1st at 1st. Cheap, decent.

4. Sighting: Friends with Money. Catching up is always more fun when you're not poor, which leads me to believe said friends enjoyed the encounter a lot more than I did.

5. Bounce Deuce. Weird name. Memorable only because a friend fondled the waitress and they put a cherry in my stoli raz.

6. Drunk sex. Woke up in the middle. The standing lay did not seem to notice his girl was TKO. Alarming.

7. Bubby's. Tribeca. Sour cream pancakes should not be missed.

8. Lady Liberty and Ellis Island. A long day. Not for the faint of heart. If you've got immigrant ancestors, it is definitely worth the trip; otherwise, you won't enjoy much more than a crowded boat ride and a closer peek at Lady Liberty's man hands.

9. Sighting: Tranny in a baby doll dress. East Village, natch. The skirt was just long enough to cover the belly button, leaving panties fully exposed. Love. It.

10. Alberto's. Best pizza in the city. Houston and Thompson.

11. Freeman's. Lower East Side. Tasty, but snotty-fancy. No skim milk or decaffeinated coffee? Please.

12. Reader Run-In. If you have an opinion about this blog, leave a comment. Otherwise, suck a fart out of my asshole.

In conclusion: New York still looks and smells like a giant armpit. Although I did get in a little shopping and some much-needed quality time with a few good friends, I still managed to catch a debilitating mystery virus, which I resent more than the dozen-or-so puddles of urine I stepped in while walking in flip-flops.

Missed you loyal readers, and hope you enjoyed your long weekend. While I'm not looking forward to returning to work tomorrow, I am glad to be back in my hometown Chicago.